Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
