I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
