ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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