I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
