whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
