take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
