watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
