I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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