Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I touched a dick in church today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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