Is it because I queefed?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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