so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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