How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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