I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
