I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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