Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
