its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
