We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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