I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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