In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
