No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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