You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
