Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
