I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
