Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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