Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize