dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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