Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
