Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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