Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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