I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
