I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
