She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
