hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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