this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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