Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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