jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
