remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
