you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She bit a glass in half.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
