Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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