Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
