So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
