You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
