Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
