I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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