This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
