He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
These tits shall not be calmed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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