I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
