There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
