my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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