your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
