Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
