Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
