Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
