Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
tell me about the fingering
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