Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
