So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
