he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
