I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
