When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
