good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize