Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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