I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
