ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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