Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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