if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
this hospital has no fireball
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
