; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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