we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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