just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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