Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize