"it" just moved
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
