I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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