I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
