I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
