My room smells like vodka and shame
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
