I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
