i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
