dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
