You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize