I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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