I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
