Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
