hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
