my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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