How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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