and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize