god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You pole danced in your parka.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
