There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
