It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
