I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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