That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
