I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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