My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
