Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
