Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You pole danced in your parka.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
