why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize