i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
