I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
