What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
