i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
