Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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