i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
